Why Do I Feel So Judged by That French Bulldog in the Café?
He knows I didn't order single-origin. He was already there when I arrived.
Minor Theatrics
My Neighbor's Wind Chimes Are Teaching Me Patience
A tale of auditory torture, quiet rage, and eventual enlightenment.
The Time I Bought a Bidet and Became a Better Man
After three glasses of Spanish red and a $379 luxury bidet with 'personal user memory,' I emerged from the bathroom 11 minutes later with the posture of someone who had seen combat and come out softer.
The Bath Towel That Betrayed Me
Not absorbent. Not okay.
What You're Drizzling Is a Lie
There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes he's been lied to. For me, that time was at a dinner party... 'We use olive oil for everything.'
I Googled "How to Be Normal" at a Stoplight and Got Rear-Ended
A study in panic, performance, and mild concussion. It started, as many collapses do, with brunch.
Pet Names & Other Domestic Catastrophes
A tale of misplaced intimacy and unintended German nationalism
I Spent the Entire Massage Praying My Body Wouldn't Betray Me
The most relaxing hour of my life. If you don't count the mental warfare. It begins, as all tension does, with the instruction to relax.
My Waiter Called Me "Boss" and I Haven't Recovered
Was it admiration? Was it mockery? Was I tricked into confidence? It started, like many traumas, with eye contact and hope.
Love with Dental X-Rays is Stranger
A Case Study in Romantic Misalignment and Gingival Integrity
Stay in the Rhythm
A slow dispatch from elsewhere. Sent only when it matters.
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